We needed rest, we felt a lot and fell back into normal life in a way. And as the days, weeks, months, and years went by, I improved. I paused. I will always have been really loyal to my Nan, my aunt, because when someone confronted my own mother because I told them she had died away, I immediately answered her with 'It's all right, my mum raised me.' What a complete pig. I felt bad each time I spoke those words, and then hardened that little further. I had separated myself from my mom and anytime she wasn't going to be there that made things harder for me. I convinced myself that we weren't really that connected, that we didn't meet each other, that she was still occupied with work— all these lies I convinced myself to harden my heart and shield myself from the facts.
The fact of the matter is that I love her and miss her. The reality is that my life's absolutely changed. I miss her brushing her hand through my hair as I sit down on the floor in front of the sofa enjoying Angel Touched and Disney Channel Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. I miss out on our talks and battles, I love Lionel Richie and background motown songs. I skipped her at my reception and Sarah's never going to see her Nan hurts my spirit.
It took me soooo long to admit this fact because I'm going to confess that just writing this hurts, my throat is sore, my eyes are watery, because I know that tears will fall! Yet I decided to share it with you because I know I'm not the only one who does this- who is disconnected from passion, who is shutting their heart, who is putting on armour to shield themselves from all the lousy feelings of harm, suffering, failure, sorrow, frustration, rage.
In several various aspects of existence, it was a trend for me too. If I sensed like it wasn't going to work out I'd become withdrawn and hardened. When I had a tough couple days with myself and Colm, I'd become distant and hardened. Bring the shield on and lift the drawbridge back. F**k it, I don't get hit and I don't bother. Yet I did. Everything I do think for.
I see all of it all the way.
Love people, seeking things you're excited about, chasing your goals and trusting your heart requires a heck of a lot of bravery because we realize it could bring us heartburn, frustration and discomfort.
Love exposes up to vulnerability.
To stop heartbreak, frustration and pain?
Then, what I used to do you will have to do. Detachment. So you'd have to position yourself in armor. That would mean that people just wouldn't recognize the 'true you' because you'd be hidden under a mask or a duvet! That would mean you were not going to have any good ties with others. That would mean that you and the other individual are not even loving yourself. This would mean losing your aspirations and your core wishes.
I discovered over time that this was not to benefit me. I was vigilant and sick of bringing with me a amount of steel. I grew to be more articulate through coaching and therapy, and a stronger link with my mind, heart and speech. I learned to be honest and felt the bravery.
The bravest men I meet are the most insecure ones too. They are the ones who express their reality, pursue their wishes, lean on their feelings and live and love with all their souls. We respect certain persons. We are looking for those who are putting themselves out there, they are transparent to they they are and what is relevant to them and we admire them.
But we're reluctant to follow their measure, because we don't want to feel weak!
It takes a lot of bravery to enable ourselves to be vulnerable, that means we have to be honest. It implies we have to be transparent and care, so we have to show ourselves. This means we ought to be in contact with men. It's a richness of our lives that we all desire — the real feeling of belonging, of being heard, of becoming who we are. True Love renders us insecure, whether it's loving our friends, our relatives, our kids or our jobs, but you know what, just knowing the love and insecurity go hand and hand, now; every day I will prefer love.
How's that for you?
The fact of the matter is that I love her and miss her. The reality is that my life's absolutely changed. I miss her brushing her hand through my hair as I sit down on the floor in front of the sofa enjoying Angel Touched and Disney Channel Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. I miss out on our talks and battles, I love Lionel Richie and background motown songs. I skipped her at my reception and Sarah's never going to see her Nan hurts my spirit.
It took me soooo long to admit this fact because I'm going to confess that just writing this hurts, my throat is sore, my eyes are watery, because I know that tears will fall! Yet I decided to share it with you because I know I'm not the only one who does this- who is disconnected from passion, who is shutting their heart, who is putting on armour to shield themselves from all the lousy feelings of harm, suffering, failure, sorrow, frustration, rage.
In several various aspects of existence, it was a trend for me too. If I sensed like it wasn't going to work out I'd become withdrawn and hardened. When I had a tough couple days with myself and Colm, I'd become distant and hardened. Bring the shield on and lift the drawbridge back. F**k it, I don't get hit and I don't bother. Yet I did. Everything I do think for.
I see all of it all the way.
Love people, seeking things you're excited about, chasing your goals and trusting your heart requires a heck of a lot of bravery because we realize it could bring us heartburn, frustration and discomfort.
Love exposes up to vulnerability.
To stop heartbreak, frustration and pain?
Then, what I used to do you will have to do. Detachment. So you'd have to position yourself in armor. That would mean that people just wouldn't recognize the 'true you' because you'd be hidden under a mask or a duvet! That would mean you were not going to have any good ties with others. That would mean that you and the other individual are not even loving yourself. This would mean losing your aspirations and your core wishes.
I discovered over time that this was not to benefit me. I was vigilant and sick of bringing with me a amount of steel. I grew to be more articulate through coaching and therapy, and a stronger link with my mind, heart and speech. I learned to be honest and felt the bravery.
The bravest men I meet are the most insecure ones too. They are the ones who express their reality, pursue their wishes, lean on their feelings and live and love with all their souls. We respect certain persons. We are looking for those who are putting themselves out there, they are transparent to they they are and what is relevant to them and we admire them.
But we're reluctant to follow their measure, because we don't want to feel weak!
It takes a lot of bravery to enable ourselves to be vulnerable, that means we have to be honest. It implies we have to be transparent and care, so we have to show ourselves. This means we ought to be in contact with men. It's a richness of our lives that we all desire — the real feeling of belonging, of being heard, of becoming who we are. True Love renders us insecure, whether it's loving our friends, our relatives, our kids or our jobs, but you know what, just knowing the love and insecurity go hand and hand, now; every day I will prefer love.
How's that for you?
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